Tag: family

2024 in Review

let’s look at the bright side

This year has not been my best, and it feels like it’s been that way the past 4 years. If you want to get really technical, it all started with the 2016 election, but specifically, the time since covid showed up in New York has been a wild ride of anxiety and stress.

My brain tells me I didn’t do much this year and while that’s partly true, it’s not the whole story. I won’t rehash what I’ve already written about extensively; instead I’m focusing on what I did do this past year.

January

January featured a visit to the local wolf sanctuary, a few fat bike excursions around the region, and ample time on the trainer as I geared up for the April Trifecta: Toad Strangler, Rasputitsa, and LuLackaWyco.

February

February started with a long weekend trip to New Hampshire to fat bike with my girlfriends and Matt. My first experience ridding on trails that were 100% ice with no studs! (spoilers: it wasn’t terribly fun to feel like I was going to slide out at any moment) I also dropped off the bright red ceramic sink with my Maine friend Ashley for the cabin she’s renovating. A bit more snow, more local fat biking, and even more trainer time.

March

Local gravel with girlfriends, more trainer time, and a massive anxiety attack. My youngest kid turned 21. I soldiered through the 4th annual Frozen Apple Ride. I tried to keep up with my trainer rides when I felt like I could. My GI symptoms begin in earnest.

April

I’m back in therapy. We took our younger kids and their partners for a weekend in Cooperstown, NY to hit up key places on the Beverage Trail. The solar eclipse wasn’t total in our area but my kid in Buffalo got some amazing photos of totality. I enjoyed Toad Strangler, Rasputitsa, and LuLackaWyco despite mounting GI issues. I decide doing big events solo isn’t as fun as when you have a friend to ride with. I also experienced my first earthquake!

May

Mountain biking, a trip to Philly, and Northern Lights – which I didn’t see myself! Again, my kid in Buffalo got great photos and sent them to me. Memorial Day Weekend is once again Girls + Matt MTB Weekend – checking out Pine Hill and Slate Valley trails. Definitely want to go back to Slate Valley to check out the rest of the trails.

June

More mountain biking locally, more trainer rides (to get ready for GRUSK). Friends camping weekend where I try out a bivy (eh), cry unexpectedly, take a 3 hour nap in my tent in the rain, and read by the campfire. A road ride and more local gravel. I decide I’m not 100% for a 3 day bikepacking trip and switch to the day-ride option.

July

A few local gravel rides and then GRUSK. West Virginia is beautiful, chunky, and lots of vert. Hanging out with Curt for 2 days feels fabulous. I have my first break in GI issues and tentatively begin planning bike rides again with friends, including getting Karen to ride up Mt Riga and a duo camping trip to Molly Stark State Park for some Vermont gravel. Riding a remote and stunning route solo before driving home. Feeling more confident.

August

I’m not confident – another anxiety attack knocks me back to square one. That and a flight delay leads me to leave my bike at home and skip SBTGVL in favor of spending more time with my family and friends. I don’t regret it, even if I do continue to have GI issues the whole trip. I’ve discovered Dramamine seems to help with the pervasive nausea. I catch covid on the flight back to New York. I take it as a sign to just calm the fuck down.

September

Finally see my primary care doc and add Lexapro to my Wellbutrin and almost immediately the GI symptoms go away. The Brain-Gut axis is super real. Once I’m recovered from covid, I begin with low milage rides at moderate paces. I go camping with friends again, this time doing a stunning 40 mile route out of Beartown State Forest, which is open again. We see a bear while riding. My youngest sister is diagnosed with breast cancer. I start strength training and discover I’m stronger than I expected and start to look forward to lifting heavy.

October

A few days after taking a melancholic road ride, one of my kids has a mental health crisis and attempts suicide. Fortunately, I get them to the ER quickly. The gravity of the situation doesn’t hit me until the nurse brings their stuff out and says they are on suicide watch. We embark on a journey through the mental health system, which I am thankful we have good insurance and access to some of the best doctors and programs in the state. My days revolve around work, visiting my kid in the behavioral health hospital, and caring for the dogs. Our kid is released and enters the outpatient program immediately.

November

I’ve switched to hiking with friends because it’s too much effort to get dressed for a bike ride. I’m reading a lot because offline activities are calming. My kids visit, which I always love. Lots of puzzles are started and completed. A long-time friend visits. There is something special about being able to wake up and sit on the couch drinking coffee with friends. Right before Thanksgiving, I have another big anxiety attack and instead of my primary care doc, I call a psychiatrist. Within days I’m off Lexapro and starting Effexor. Within a week, I’m feeling more calm and rational than I have in a long time.

December

Ice Weasels kicks off the month with a lot of fun. I come in third again in the women’s fat bike race – which I’m always fine with because I don’t race and everyone else does. Pete’s cousin and kid are there too, so I hang out with them and catch up. A solo fat bike ride at Stewart where I almost get locked into the park. I drop off my fat bike to get tubed studded tires mounted and a quick once-over of the bike. It’s been snowy and cold, then rainy and warm cyclically. I’m optimistic I might be able to get out and ride on Monday.

What’s On my radar for 2025

  • Good mental health – continuing therapy and medication adjustments as needed
  • Balance in work and life
  • Maybe sell the house and move home to Colorado?
  • Family vacation to Maine
Bike Events

I won’t do all of the above, but I do want to share smaller events that are really fun, well-supported, and not terribly expensive. You

As I write this, I haven’t decided if I’m going to put my trainer up in the new year. Riding indoors is hella boring, even with a structured training plan and killer music playlist, but does translate to riding strength in the spring. I’d like to get outside as much as possible because I need the cardio to balance the strength training. It’s also raining (day two of three) so there’s that. Something to figure out next month.

I’m optimistic 2025 will be better. See you out there!

68* and Sunny

not a cloud in the sky, it was a beautiful day to die

7:40am MDT Sept 16, 2023
Dad: Mom is non responsive this morning
Julie: Can we come be with you?

7:42am MDT
Ash: Oh. Dad what do you need? Should we come over?
Julie: Is it time?
Dad: Nurse Betsy had told Laura and me to expect that was the next phase. A compassus nurse will check later today.
Laura: Julie and I are on our way over
Ash: I’m far away but I’ll be there ASAP
Dad: no hurry, ok

it’s already been a year. Mom was kind enough to die on a Saturday when my teacher sisters would have time to grieve without using all three of their bereavement days immediately.

Four days ago, I broke down like I haven’t in a while. I sobbed for hours. HARD. All of the feelings came rushing forth – I miss my mom. I’m sad about all kinds of ordinary things – like she won’t be able to see my youngest graduate from university. I’ll never get another text from my mom on my birthday to tell me she’s proud of me and loves me. That she chose to not prolong her life. The last time she asked when I was moving back to Colorado, I had said, “2 years, minimum,” and now she won’t be around to be happy when I do finally make it back.

It was 100% her call, and I don’t fault her for it. I just wanted more time.

Therapy has helped me work through many things about losing my mom. Six themes, specifically. A lot of my lingering thoughts and feelings stem from how quickly it all seemed to happen. Living 2,000 miles away prevents the everyday impact of decline – so every time I saw her, she was markedly worse. Mom went from being independent and strong to frail with a whisper voice to frustrated with her body’s growing limitations, to acceptance that her body was failing and no amount of frustration and willpower would overcome that. All of this in 3 or 4 visits over the course of not even a year.

I knew she had things she wanted to do in this lifetime that she didn’t get to do because of how quickly things progressed. If she were here, she would tell you she held death off longer than doctors expected, but reality would tell you she probably should have accepted hospice support earlier than she did. She would have been more comfortable for a longer period of time.

my dad texted me the other day using this group chat and it took me a few minutes to remember it wasn’t Mom texting me

My mind no longer wanders immediately to the final 24 hours of her time on this earth when I close my eyes. I don’t replay the day in my head endlessly. I don’t feel tears automatically streaming down my face when I close my eyes (and when I do, I let it happen because I’ve learned you have to experience the grief in order to let go enough to integrate the loss into your life).

I’ve read books on grief, memoirs of losing a mom, I’ve done a lot of work integrating grief into my life. I’ve come to realize there will never be a day when I’m magically totally OK with this – time will help soften the bruise but it might always be a little sore.

Sometimes I think about those hours we spent with mom’s body before the nurse came by to declare her death. It was intense and raw. Most of us wanting to find something of hers to bring home with us – a sweater to wrap around ourselves like a hug, an old stuffed animal from when we were kids. But she had already cleaned out her closets and donated a bunch of stuff and the specific things we desired weren’t available to us.

The last sense to go is hearing. At one point Dad decided to turn on Mom’s playlist so we’d have music to listen to while we were waiting for the nurse. Mamma Mia comes blaring out of the speakers – it was both perfect and wildly inappropriate.

Last year’s summer, when Mom’s death seemed imminent, I went out to see her. The living room was full of things. Mom already had limited mobility and communicated mostly with a whiteboard and marker. My sister and I went through the stuff to ask her what to keep, trash, and donate. Lots of stuff went to the trash or donate category. But I remember pulling up her old cross country skis that she had bought so many years ago at a swap meet. She wrote “If I survive this, I want to keep these.”

Sometimes I think about the things Mom loved – springer spaniels, sewing, gardening, needlecrafts, doing fun activities with younger children. Being a mom and eventually, a grandma. Making oatmeal cookies with the add-in each kid preferred: raisins for some, chocolate chips for others, gummy bears for the ones who thought that would be funny. She liked to ride bikes but wasn’t a cyclist in the spandex-clad sense. Riding with her on the Elephant Rock Ride was a highlight. She enjoyed hiking as much as her blown-out knees would let her. She played soccer even while pregnant with her third kid. She loved living in Colorado, but missed autumns in Massachusetts. If anyone was going to be able to survive an apocalypse, it was Mom and her backyard greenhouse and garden.

Many times I remember how she was sitting on the edge of her bed and I was helping her get into bed for the night. She leaned over and kissed my arm and mouthed “I love you” because she couldn’t speak or write anymore. I told her I’d be back in the morning. And that’s the last conversation we had.

I know I’m not the first and won’t be the last to lose a parent, to have things unsaid and undone with no recourse. To wrestle with the understanding a person is not just your parent, but also their own Self and someone else’s child. That we are all complex individuals trying to figure out what life means and how we want to live it. Watching my mom make her choices (and seeing the impacts of some of those choices after her death) has given me the initiative to take care of my own affairs: write a will, tell my loved ones what my wishes are, make sure my life insurance is up to date and will make sure everything is taken care of when I can no longer care for my family. Do the best I can to make sure my children know they are loved every single day simply because they exist – and that they don’t need to agree with me on everything.

Thinking about death isn’t comfortable or fun – but I don’t want my kids calling the funeral home 18 hours before I die because death wasn’t considered an option in my life.

We have one life to live – live it well.

miss you mom

Jacqueline Vera Block Haag May 9, 1951 – September 16, 2023

(mom’s full obituary)

Moving forever forward

2023 has been a year of tremendous accomplishment and bottomless grief. I spent some time meditating on what themes 2024 will encompass and two came to me clear as tingsha bells bring us back to the current consciousness.

  1. Bring intention into all decisions.
  2. The right moment to go home will reveal itself in due time.

I’ve started to put bike events on the calendar – Rasputitsa and Lu Lacka Wyco in April and SBT GRVL in August – but am otherwise keeping my schedule clear to ensure I can make intentional decisions on where to spend my energy. Like booking a fat bike weekend in February with my best bike girlfriends and the revival of our annual Girls (+Matt) MTB Weekend over Memorial Day weekend.

Year in Review

January found me in the middle of my first-ever indoor trainer workout plan, fat biking with friends, and lots of dog walks. I had a bunch of photos of my family printed and framed in my home office.

February brought a tremendously fun fat bike weekend in Vermont with girlfriends, a trip to the dog park, and a long weekend in Philly to see my eldest kid.

March saw a long-time friend out to New York for a visit, a trip West to Oklahoma for The Mid South, trailwork, and the passing of my beloved beagle, Beauregard (he was 14.5). I had a very sharp sunburn line that remained all summer. I also completely abandoned any indoor training for three months.

April we brought home two bonded chi-weenie-rat terriers who we love more than anything, a trip to Vermont with the in-laws, my adventure buddy moving away, and the always fun B2G2. I put the two-inch tires on my gravel bike to get used to it for my summer bikepacking trip.

May featured a trip to ride the heart of Greasy Joe’s mixed terrain and the always challenging Farmer’s Daughter Gravel Grinder. My middle kid came home for a visit and fell in love with the new doggies.

June started with my great-uncle Benjamin passing away. The weather was really fickle for the annual KT MTB weekend – so hard to find time to ride without getting soaked or mud-splattered. I spent a lot of time on the indoor trainer again to build capacity and riding the multi-use trails in Fahnestock State Park. My planned trip home to Colorado was canceled – but I ended up having to fly out urgently to see my mom. She had fluid building up in her pleural space that was slowly collapsing her lungs.

July – I was able to get home feeling my Mom was stable again and she was able to get surgery to install a drain for the fluid. I turned 46. We took a trip to Buffalo to see my middle kid and go to Niagara Falls (both sides). Pro tip: border agents do not want to know how funny you can be. I shuttered my Twitter (X) accounts and volunteered to sweep the Macedonia Gravel ride.

August was the taper month and I went to go ride bikes with friends in Connecticut. and then I flew to Minnesota with my friend Jess and spent two glorious weeks bikepacking with zero cares except to eat, ride bikes, and get to the next campsite. Transformative is the only way to describe the trip; by far the most epic thing I’ve ever done in my life. You can read about it here.

September, I got home, sent my tent poleset out for repairs, and promptly got a nasty cold. As soon as my cold was getting better, my mom declined very suddenly. Everything felt nebulous until I was approved to talk to her hospice nurse; I booked a ticket home the next day. I spent Mom’s last 24 hours with her and Dad and the following two weeks in a numb state of grief. Jewish tradition teaches the first month is for the spouse to mourn deeply; for the kids, it’s the first year following a parent’s death. Feels accurate from a kid’s POV.

October was hard. I managed to get out for a bike ride with the women I bikepacked in North Carolina with. I wrote a thank you note to the hospice team who cared for Mom. I didn’t go home for Mom’s interment. Ended the month riding the Gravel Goblin with friends the day before the event (it was 72* and sunny whereas the day of the event was 46* and soggy). Pete and I celebrated our 26th wedding anniversary.

grief is funny – I laughed so hard I cried at this

November flew by – rode a gnarly route I created for an event to check conditions and had to make significant adjustments for the event. Went to Maine for a long weekend with Pete. Mom’s headstone was placed. My dad and my kids all came home for a chaotic Thanksgiving weekend. I found out I was selected as a Bikepacking Roots Community Steward.

And that brings us to December. I rode Ice Weasels in a Bumble the Abominable Snowman costume. I got into SBT GRVL for 2024. I rode bikes and had a blast at my company’s holiday party (it was disco-themed so you know I bought a cheap silver dress and matching shoes). We finally got our kitchen sink and faucet replaced, which means all our kitchen appliances have been swapped out – and it’s functionally a brand-new kitchen. I made homemade marshmallows, which was easier than I thought. I make royal icing for sugar cookies, and while it’s easy to make, it’s not easy to apply if you don’t have the right tools to apply it precisely.

We always say – you only live once – life is short – live life with no regrets. This year has driven home that message in a very acute way. I find myself randomly thinking about my mom or seeing things that bring her to mind. The truth is we find immortality in the memories of those who knew us and loved us.

I still feel the pull to move back West but I need to wrap up things out East first. I am thankful we live in a time where we can video call or text (or yes, even make a phone call) to stay connected with loved ones. I’m relishing the time we have here, whether it’s 6 months or 6 years more.

Hope you, dear reader, have a happy, healthy holiday season and a prosperous new year. May 2024 be better to us all.

Adios, 2018!

I’ve been in a foul mood for the last week. 2018 has felt both supremely long and shockingly short. And while I sometimes feel that everything my husband and I have built for our lives came crashing to a halt in the last two years or so, we have managed to still have some amazing moments.

… Harness in the good energy, block out the bad. Harness. Energy. Block. Bad. It’s like a carousel. You put the quarter in, you get on the horse, it goes up and down, and around. Circular, circle. Feel it. Go with the flow … (Happy Gilmore)

In the spirit of gratitude and reflection, here are the best moments of 2018:

January

  • I discovered others share my life mantra of Maximum Enthusiasm
  • I officially achieved my goal TSH! #thyca
  • I went fat biking – and discovered I enjoy getting fat all winter!
  • Two of my sisters and one of my nieces came to visit me. ❤
  • I adopted a senior beagle, who we named Beauregard, and my dog-mom life is basically complete.

20180101_141629

February

  • I demo’d a sweet Kona Big Honzo DL and questioned if I really wanted a full suspension mountain bike when I got a job
  • The Eagles won the Super Bowl!
  • My doggo had a successful surgery to remove a lump under his leg
  • I rode bikes with a guy in a velomobile

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March

  • Not one but TWO multi-day power outages! Great excuse to break out the camping gear at home. Thanks, Nor’Easters!
  • I became a Pactimo Brand Ambassador!
  • Hosted my first Trail Maintenance work day to repair a section of boardwalk that was devastatingly broken.

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April

  • I did a lot of gravel and mountain biking as the snow abated
  • One son was accepted to the university of his choice
  • My other son went mountain biking with me for the first time ❤
  • Wild green onions grew in our yard for literally no reason
  • Muddy Onion with Karen, Gail, and Matt!! (read the post – then go register for 2019)

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May

  • I celebrated 5 years of mountain biking with … more mountain biking
  • I was one of three speakers as part of REI’s Women’s Speaker Series, discussing trail construction and maintenance
  • Formally announced registration was open for The Dirty Apple Ride
  • Rode gravel in the rain with my friend Judy
  • Farmer’s Daughter Gravel Grinder with Matt!! (go register for 2019!)
  • My in-laws and two of my nieces came to visit! ❤

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June

  • Completed my fourth Ride for Homes, benefiting Habitat for Humanity Philadelphia
  • Girls + Matt Bike Camping weekend at Kingdom Trails was literally me living my best life  #ThankYouLandOwners
  • Rode my bike to the farm for their strawberry festival
  • Friday afternoons at the brewery, sitting on the patio and watching the tractors go by
  • 3 years cancer-free
  • Another child of mine graduated from high school

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July

  • Birthday!
  • Lots of route scouting and adjusting for The Dirty Apple
  • A hawk landed in the tree behind our house and ate a snake while the sparrows of our yard screamed and darted around. That was cool.
  • Mt Riga gravel and Three State rides
  • And I got a job!! … which also means significantly less bike time.

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August

  • Started that new job, which is right off the bike path but doesn’t have showers
  • Hatch chile verde – frozen leftover from the in-law visit in May – is food of the gods
  • NEW BIKE DAY!! Santa Cruz 5010c XX1. She’s orange and her name is Jezebelle.
  • Golden Gran Fondo, courtesy of Pactimo Brand Ambassador program!! (go register for 2019!)
  • Time in Colorado with my friends and family ❤
  • My friend, who passed away suddenly back in May, visited me in a dream. It was his birthday when I woke up.

Long1057

September

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October

  • The Dirty Apple Ride was a huge success! I learned a lot about bringing a bike event to fruition and can’t wait to open registration for 2019!
  • Learned Adventure Cycling has a two-week bike tour of Denali and added that to my list of Bike Things To Do In My Lifetime
  • Took one of my sons to see Nine Inch Nails with Jesus & Mary Chain.
  • Took my second ever mountain bike skills clinic and learned exactly how much better I can be with proper technique
  • Organized a trail care morning for my office
  • Summoned for Grand Jury Duty! … but ended up dismissed
  • Our trail town committee (I’m the VP!), along with tremendous volunteers, completed a 600′ boardwalk section of a new trail we’re building

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November

  • Surgery to remove a lump in my breast (it was benign).
  • Built a bog bridge over a section of a local trail that crosses a wetland with the help of 14 fellow mountain bikers. Trail Care is a thing!
  • Not enough riding because Recovery (who knew a 5cm incision would hurt so much?)
  • My son and his girlfriend came home for a weekend! ❤
  • My sister and her girlfriend and her daughter came to visit for almost the whole week of Thanksgiving and it was glorious! ❤

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December

  • Ice Weasels Cometh with Karen! This year was at an abandoned insane asylum. It was cold. And fun. And the only bike race I will ever do.
  • ClifBar brought back Peppermint Stick to the seasonal flavor line-up. Yes, this makes me happy.
  • Finally back on the bike more consistently – if only it would stop raining! #OperationAvoidTheTrainer
  • Installed a new mailbox post and mailbox, instantly improving the curb appeal of our home
  • Went on a night gravel ride to see ERDAJT, the world’s largest outdoor holiday light display
  • Celebrated 7 years as East Coast citizens
  • Had all of my babies home for the holidays ❤

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What does 2019 hold? Hopefully a lot more fun, family, friends, and bikes.

See you in the future!

The Power of the Pickle and Other Thoughts

This past weekend I put my bikes on the back of my Honda and headed for the hills. Of west-central Massachusetts, to be more precise. My friend and fellow blogger Karen lives up there and invited me to join her at the JAM Fund Grand FUNdo. The ride was top-notch: very hilly, well-stocked rest stations, full-on pig roast bbq and local craft beer at the end.

bikes + friends + countryside = awesome
bikes + friends + countryside = awesome

While there, a former pro cyclist approached me about my scar. Turns out she had a total thyroidectomy a few years ago (hers was benign) and is currently not racing due to overtraining.

She shared with me a few gems, one of which was that once your thyroid is removed your body functions differently from when you had the organ even though you are replacing the hormones. As an athlete, it’s easy to build into a certain level of fitness. How the body functions with just the hormones is slightly different. She shared a story about a training ride where she became severely hypothermic, which was her “a-ha” moment about how her body functions differently now.

(The thyroid controls a surprising number of body functions through secretion of thyroid hormones including metabolism, growth, body temperature, muscle strength, appetite, and the health of your heart, brain, kidneys, and reproductive system.)

This was welcome anecdotal evidence, as I’ve noticed my body isn’t responding the same way it used to. I get goose-bumps earlier in hot rides than I used to – which is my key to drink more fluids, dial down the intensity, and stay in the shaded areas as much as possible. The Mini FUNdo we did featured 25 miles of uphill before the glorious 15 miles of downhill – and by mile 22, my muscles weren’t crying but I was definitely Not Myself. Thankfully the rest stop had bananas and, more importantly, pickles.

finally, some downhill!
finally, some downhill!

Never underestimate the power of a pickle to revive you on a hot bike ride.

The rest of the weekend was exactly the relaxing, rejuvenating experience I needed. We biked, we laughed, we talked, and we ate. As working moms, it’s not easy for us to just take a weekend to ride bikes – but I’m so glad Karen was up for it and I was in a place where I could be as active as I wanted … even if it isn’t at my former fitness level.

let's go check out this new trail!
let’s go check out this new trail!

Another friend of mine, Dani, made an excellent observation. She asked me if I had held back my voice – because the thyroid is in the throat chakra and maybe I needed to learn how to be my own advocate more, to speak up and not be afraid of what others think or will say by voicing my concerns or opinion.While I still harbor internal concerns that vulnerability makes me a liability, the reality is I have suppressed my needs too much. It’s OK to ask for help, for down-time, and to take care of me first.

The irony certainly doesn’t escape me that I have moved to a city that never sleeps, is always pushing forward, and thrives on the dreams and ambitions of millions of people – and my body is quite literally telling me to slow down, take time to breathe and relax, and to enjoy life.

Of course, I immediately signed up for another very hilly ride locally in October. I’m hoping to get through my radioactive iodine treatment over the next 2 weeks and get back to building up my cycling strength. I don’t think I’ll see anywhere close to the same stats as last year and I’m making my peace with it. I’ll ride as much as I can and seek out my happy-place as often as possible.

riding by the lake
riding by the lake

See you on the road!

See you later, 2014 …

What a year it’s been.

I realize I haven’t kept up on the blog as much as I’d like but since September I haven’t been out much. And since this is my bikey blog, it’s only natural to talk about All Things Bikey. I’m living in Philly, working in NYC, and getting out as I can. The last six months have been stressful for our little family, with trying to sell the house and relocate to be closer to work. Indeed life could be worse than having a job that I continue to love, learn and grow; a family that is holding down the house selling process and understanding that sometimes things don’t go according to plan; and a husband who gives me the option and sometimes pushes me out of the house to go ride my bike for an hour because he knows it will keep me sane.

So instead of lamenting my lack of miles this year, let’s talk about the memories that were made on the rides:

The New Year started with an exploratory bike ride with my friend Ken to check out some trails he found on Google Maps. Of course we took our carbon fiber road bikes to ride rutted, frozen mud and gravel trails – that’s just what we do. Unfortunately the ride ended when I started having visual disturbances associated with an impending migraine – so we hightailed it home. Nothing like bombing down a hill with no peripheral vision and the inability to see clearly. ha!

Later in the month, we would make a farewell bike ride with our friend Heather, who had finished the schooling part of her ophthalmology studies and was moving for the first phase of her residency. Heather had been my main source of All Things Mountain Biking and a wonderful road cycling friend as well. Thankful for the wonders of the internet to keep us in touch.

lots of snow this year
January – lots of snow this year

February brought a craving for the freshest, most authentic street tacos I’ve experienced. Ken and I rode to the Belle Vista section of the city to find the El Tacos Rodeo truck to no avail. The winter was in full swing with lots of snow and ice and very little opportunity to get outside to ride – so I focused on training for a 5-mile run in April. Lots of time on the treadmill getting my running legs back.

There was one particular run where it was finally warm enough to run outside – the snow was melting and the smell of fallen pine branches from the heavy snow permeated the air. It felt so fresh and inviting.

Feb brought us an ice storm and lots of snowy rides
Feb brought us an ice storm and lots of snowy rides

March brought the advent of bike commuting again and feeling brave and stupid while riding on Market Street, one of the main streets through downtown Philadelphia. It’s 4 or 5 lanes of people who don’t really give a crap – but somehow I’ve always been able to ride safe on Market. March also brought the first training ride for the four-day bike tour I would do in June.

March - mountain biking!
March – mountain biking!

April means 30 Days of Biking, an online friendly challenge to ride your bike every day in April. I ended up biking to the train station more than biking all the way into the City.  I also took my then-14yr old son on his first mountain bike ride. He wasn’t impressed. My friend John and I hit up the Wissahickon for some spring mountain biking. And I completed my first-ever 5-mile running race in 51:40 – a little over 10min/mi. I was very proud of this because I’m not a huge runner, the course was hilly, and I kept a steady pace the whole time. I was also totally wiped out at the end – not sure how people can run half- and full-marathons!

April - mountain biking with "Grandpa" (my friend John who has grandkids and kicks my butt in the woods)
April – mountain biking with “Grandpa” (my friend John who has grandkids and kicks my butt in the woods)

May started with the TD Five Boro Tour. My friends Eric and Phil joined me for this event, and we met up with internet friend at one of the rest stops. The day before featured an 8-mile ride back to the hotel after the Expo to pick up our race packets in the pouring rain. I’m thankful the hotel staff didn’t blink when we rolled in, muddy and soaked to the bone. A hot shower and clean clothing meant we could get dinner together and chat about bikes and life and the upcoming tour. This was an incredibly disappointing event as we got slotted late and ended up walking as  much as riding (“hey, why are we walking?” “Hill.”). At one point the boys dropped the hammer and were weaving in and out of other cyclists. Corbi and I were hammering to keep up until I asked her why we were hammering. She didn’t know either – so we let off the gas and caught up to the guys naturally later on.

May brought my bike and I to NYC for a 5 Boro Tour/Hike A Bike.
May brought my bike and I to NYC for a 5 Boro Tour/Hike A Bike.

May was also the Quad County. This year Ken and I didn’t get caught in a rainstorm nor did we do the Intensive Climbing Unit (or the Very Intensive Climbing Unit) – and the day was so lovely. Perfect weather, great route … one of the best rides in the Philadelphia area.

May is also when I found out my good u-lock had been cut from my office’s bike racks because I hadn’t been back for over a month. Ug.

June’s highlight was the Ride for Homes, a four day bike tour from Philly to Gettysburg and back. This is the ride where I met so many amazing new friends, learned that I most certainly can ride 60+ miles per day multiple days in a row, the importance of proper hydration, and how to come back from letting yourself down. The Ride for Home was by far my favorite event this year, one that I am looking at doing again next year.

Chris and I keeping our cadence high and spirits higher
June – Chris and I keeping our cadence high and spirits higher

July had a ride to Hammonton and back for lunch – 108 sweaty, stinky miles under a brutal heat and humidity index with a threat of nasty thunderstorms all afternoon. What sticks in my mind is the ice cream shop lady who wouldn’t allow us access to fresh water even though we purchased ice cream (and the sink was right behind her). And how accommodating the Starbucks was next door, filling out water bottles with ice and water and wishing us well on our final 25 miles. And how incredibly draining it is to walk across the bridge over the Delaware River – we spent 10 min drinking electrolyte beverages in the shade after crossing to get our energy back.

July
July

July also had stress miles because the potential buyers for our house walked away. This had never happened to us before – and it’s incredibly anxiety-inducing. We still haven’t sold the house and it’s now almost 2015.

August had a lot of smaller rides – as the office move date grew closer, the less time I had for fun. But a couple fun rides happened – taking my Girl Scouts on an 11-mile trail ride; a lunch ride with Ken and his wife Cathy and my son; riding with Ken and Michelle to see the Super Moon rise over the Delaware at the Spruce Street Harbor pop-up park; and the most excellent ride from New Hope, PA to Brooklyn, NY to get some dinner with friends.

August - of course this is the way to go!
August – of course this is the way to go!

September had significantly fewer bikes rides and a spike in hiking and walking. Not coincidentally, I also started spending 15-18 hours on trains for work. It is what is it is – this too shall pass.

September - Girls Ride The Woods!
September – Girls Ride The Woods!

October had even fewer bike rides but a lovely hike with my friend Eric in French Creek State Park. My desires to go mountain biking were becoming intense but my fear of going alone was keeping me from actually getting out. I even went on a quick road ride instead of the mountain biking that I wanted to do because I couldn’t find anyone to go with me.

October - Hiking French Creek State Park
October – Hiking French Creek State Park

November came and the weather was mild enough to get a hot cocoa ride; a hike with my husband (immediately followed by my first solo mountain bike ride – really hit the spot!); and a 50-mi bike ride with my friends. Without the regular cycling, my legs aren’t really good for much more than 50 miles but that’s going to be OK because we still have a lot going on in life.

November - beautiful fall foliage on a hike in the Wissahickon
November – beautiful fall foliage on a hike in the Wissahickon

December brought a snowy hike with my Girl Scouts and a much-needed vacation out to Colorado. My sister and I hiked twice – a short 2.5 miler with our mom and a longer 8 miler up to Pike Peak Reservoir. December has brought peace of mind, relaxation, and a way to separate from the everyday stresses and refocus on what is important – family, friends, community.

December - snowy hiking in Colorado
December – snowy hiking in Colorado

So while this year I didn’t beat anything numbers-wise from last year, I didn’t do too shabby: 2,206.5 miles on my bike with 100,384′ of gain. I also gained a lot of great memories on fun rides with my friends and explored new boundaries in my abilities. I learned tough lessons and still managed to get back on the bike the next day.

Next year will hopefully be one that is full of resolution – resolution of our house and living situation, riding my bikes more, and becoming more proficient at mountain biking. Of supporting my family though this tough transition and coming out the other side with resilience, tenacity, and strength.

Thanks for being part of my year – see you in 2015!

can't wait to see what 2015 brings us!
can’t wait to see what 2015 brings us!

Goodbye 2013 – Hello 2014!

I had plans to go riding today but woke up with significant congestion and a sinus headache so I opted to stay home and rest today in hopes that tomorrow’s ride plans will still be on. I’ve spent the morning sipping warm beverages and reading many recaps of this year’s achievements. Truly I am blessed to be surrounded by so many awesome people, even if it is “just” on the internet.

(Although to be totally honest, my brain keeps thinking of ways I can still get out on my bike today. But I’m forcing myself to stay home. Better to rest today and ride tomorrow than suffer today and be worse tomorrow.)

A Look Back at the goals I set for this year – here’s how I fared:

  • 3,004.4 miles achieved!
  • Bike commuting gained traction this year.
  • Metric century in Colorado achieved with my marathon-running sister!
  • Completed four centuries (February, August, two in September-SSC and MS150)
  • Completed 150mi ride in one day (June)
  • Acquired a mountain bike and have been out several times – love it
  • Ran 58.1 miles (!!)
  • Walked 225 miles

Some goals just didn’t make the final tally, like biking to Brooklyn for dinner or both days of the MS 150, due to Life. Schedules changed, my dog died – it just didn’t work out. I feel like my GI issues took center stage from May through September, which inhibited some of my intended riding for sure. Of course, all but one test came back totally normal so who knows what’s going on there.

Recently I was at a 10,000 mile celebration for a friend and everyone around the room said where their total mileage was expected to end up. Everyone but myself and one other woman was 5,000 miles or more, with many hovering around 9,000 miles. I constantly have to remind myself that I’m not doing too bad for a recreational cyclist with three kids still at home, a full-time job, a Girl Scout troop to lead, and serving on the board for the local bike club. My 3,000 miles seems paltry and there’s always something more I wish I could be doing.

Or as my friend says about my thoughts: “How can I be more awesome than I already am.”

(which is a really good point)

So for 2014, I’m setting no mileage goal. No event schedule. The only thing I’d like to do more of is ride my bike for fun. As if I ever ride my bike for any other reason.

  • Start bike commuting again once Daylight Savings Time comes back. Twice a week minimum.
  • Try bike touring. Maybe pack up for an overnight camping somewhere, just to get a taste. Plan a bike trip with my mom. Currently looking at Erie Canal or GAP/C&O.
  • Try some new cycling events or revisit the ones I skipped this year.
  • Ride with my kids more. Teach my middle child how to mountain bike. Take my oldest child on longer road rides. Find ways to make riding more enjoyable for my youngest child.

Wishing everyone a happy, healthy, peaceful and prosperous 2014! See you on the road!

Catch Up

When we last left off, dear reader, I had just put my dog down and was helping my kids work through their grief. Since then much has happened, which is what happens when autumn rolls around. The cycling is exquisite, everyone is back to school routines, and life starts to slow down for winter.

 

  • I took the week of Sept 2 ff work. Between Labor Day and the High Holidays and my in-laws coming to visit, it didn’t make sense to shoehorn work in as well. Add in our dog dying and it was a much needed week off of responsibility.
  • I rode my bike a lot that week. It’s really cathartic. Long rides with the bike club; short rides for lunch with my son; medium rides with my step-father-in-law. It was so nice to simply wake up, throw my leg over the top tube and pedal out of town without any worry.
  • I ran a five-miler back in August and promptly hurt my foot. My chiropractor has been adjusting it and I thought I was in a good place, but a 5k proved me otherwise. Back off running for another two weeks … then I can try again. Lots of rolling with a tennis ball to keep things loose and not “crunchy.” PS – having your foot adjusted feels WEIRD.
  • I completed the Scenic Schuylkill Century for the second consecutive year. 103 miles with over 6800′ of climbing. I felt like a mountain goat charging up those final hills. This ride deserves a recap post.
  • I took Electric Dream Machine to the shop for a tune-up (chunky shifting) and ended up getting her new bar tape and a new chain as well. 2500 miles and only 50% worn on of the original chain feels pretty awesome. I feel like a Spin Master.
  • I also found a saddle that doesn’t hurt my butt after 100 miles. It’s an old school Terry Butterfly Ti I found on eBay for $36. You have no idea how relieving this is.
  • I made a lot of cookies. Chocolate crinkles. Molasses. They are all gone now.
  • I bought the last few items I need to make my first attempt at blueberry jam.
  • We selected a hand-made custom urn for Nixon, painted to match her exact coloring. We’re expecting it sometime next week. Until then her ashes are just hanging out in the kitchen and it feels kinda weird. Last night I missed her snuggling up to my feet when I went to bed. Not cry-my-eyes-out missed her … just missed the reassuring weight on her curled up at the bottom of the bed.

 

That week reminded me how much I love unrestricted time. Time to explore, time to play, time to simply be. Far too often I get wrapped up in my everyday life of work, the kids’ school stuff, and housework. Never mind the annual house maintenance that needs to happen like yard work, cleaning out the garage, fixing the downspout that disconnected last October during Hurricane Sandy (*cough cough*).

If I could find a way to still get a paycheck and ride my bike for fun all day, I’d be all over that.

Anyway – I’m still around. I haven’t been riding as much as I want these past two weeks. I haven’t even been bike commuting! And I kinda miss running (but that’s between you and me). I have my BikeMS: City to Shore ride coming up next weekend so I need to get out an ride at least a little bit to keep the legs fresh. Then I’m looking to October to squeeze in some fun weekend rides … maybe do the Central Bucks Covered Bridge Tour again.

 

See you on the road!

 

 

Riding to the City: A Love Note

I woke up this morning feeling awesome.

I attribute this mostly to taking yesterday as a Slug Day, a day where my main accomplishment was taking a shower at 7pm. 

It’s amazing how one day … just one little day … of absolving yourself of all responsibilities can have a huge impact on your outlook. 

 

So I rode my bike in to work. I got up a little later than I usually do when I bike commute and left my house later than usual. 

My legs felt heavy as I re-acquainted myself with my commuter bike and a full pannier after taking out my nice (light and fast) road bike this weekend on a fun ride. 

But pedal-along I did and before I knew it I was coming up on the City. 

 

hello my city
hello my city

 

Once I get closer into the city there is so much to enjoy: the turn-of-the-century architecture, old stone bridges, stairs that bring you to the river’s edge. The lush parks are truly oases among concrete and brick – and the traffic imparts the rhythmic heartbeat of the city. The stop and go of everyday life. 

 

There’s something about today that makes it extra special. 

I’m not sure why I love this City. But I do. 

I’ve never felt this way about a city before – they’ve always just been a jumble of buildings and asphalt and concrete. 

But this one is different. This one is slowly becoming My City. 

 

* * * * * 

 

I’ve looked back at my training calendar and realizing things are not as bleak as they appeared last week. I’ve been out fairly consistently even though I’m going through wild mileage fluctuation (400+ miles one month; less than 200 another month). I suspect my frustration is from a lack of routine. Last summer I knew I was going out every Tuesday night and one day each weekend. I added in bike commuting last August once or twice a week (on my 35+ lb comfort hybrid – dear g-d why did I do that to myself??).

I’m just 32 miles shy of 1800 miles for the year, which is roughly what I did in all of last year. I’m going to be fine. I’ve talked to my bike friends about taking a break and they are super supportive … but I think most of it is just re-framing everything in my mind. 

 

I just need to make things organic to my life – and do them on my own terms.

 

Thanks for listening and see you on the road! 

Just Not My Summer

For the third time in a week, I have ignored my 5:30am alarm.

For the third time in a week, I have chosen sleep over bike commuting.

 

How far I’ve fallen from just a few weeks ago.

 

This summer has been tough for getting good ride time for me.  Lots has been going on outside my world of cycling. Somehow I get it in my head that everyone else in the world is out every day. Everyone else is also better, faster, cooler, and more dedicated than me.  I try to keep up with the false notions my brain feeds me. I feel like I should be pushing through … but for what? I’m not training for anything other than to keep up with the Jones’.

The difference from two weeks ago is family. They are paramount and when they were otherwise occupied, it was easy to get up early and ride. I only had to be concerned for myself. Now I am trying to make sure summer homework is getting done and we squeeze the last bits of freedom out of summer. My in-laws are coming for the weekend and we still need to clean the house. And my stomach issues are still there (better but I’m aware) – and the GI doc is on the calendar for just after Labor Day.

And there’s the stuff I want to do but just haven’t found a way yet: mountain biking; hiking; camping. I’m so frustrated with not being able to do everything I want to do. Not like this is a surprise or anything – I always feel like I should do MORE.

 

So I’ve decided to let it go for now. Let go of the ridiculousness that is trying to keep up with everything. Go on fun rides with friends on  the weekends if It works out. Tinker with bike commuting later in the morning (even though it means riding without the benefit of my awesome bike commuting friends). Get my plans together for my daughter’s Girl scout troop. Sleep in and relax more. Go bowling. Go out-of-town with the family.

Find balance in my life again.

 

I’ll leave you with my most favorite event photo ever. It was taken by Sundance Images in Castle Rock, Colorado. I love this photo so much I ordered it as the cheesy “magazine cover” (Rad & Bad bikes anyone?) because it has that “cover girl” look. I even ordered a second copy for my mom. It reminds me of why I ride – the wind in your face, the scenery, the pavement zipping by. It’s a picture of happiness and ease … you’d never know I was churning up a decent hill.

cover girl
cover girl

See you on the road!