2017 in a nutshell

So many blog posts that have lived in my head all year … and what a year it’s been!

January

The signs all pointed to one thing, and that was leaving my job of the past 16.5 years. It was time. This decision has colored every single facet for the rest of the year, from daily job searches to staying close to my network to multiple rounds of interviews that end up going to someone else who had that tiny bit Extra that I couldn’t bring to the table. Like U2, I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.

I attended the Women’s March on Washington DC with my friend Andrea, which was a tremendously powerful experience. We had no idea how massive the march was until we were at a restaurant eating a late dinner and the news was blaring from the televisions overhead. It also opened my eyes – really opened them – to the struggles of my sisters of color. Some of the speeches were really hard to hear – but I had to hear them and made a commitment to myself to be a better ally and use my privilege for the good of ALL.

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this is what democracy looks like

February

Promising job interviews didn’t pan out. There are only so many hours of the day one can devote to a job search before it becomes obsessive and anxiety-stricken, so I decided to fully embrace FUNemployment. I rode my bike – a lot. I rode my first dirt road ride and loved it. I started demoing fat bikes from my local shop because fat biking is So Much Fun. I hiked with my dog. I embarked on home maintenance projects that never seem to get done when fully employed. I re-engaged with the organizations I volunteer for.

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snow hike on my local trails

March

All this fun and productivity came to a screeching halt when I was stricken with what was thought to be the flu but turned out to be a nasty case of pneumonia followed by an even worse case of thrush caused by the powerful antibiotic and bronchodilator inhaler I used for pneumonia. Within three weeks I had been on anti-virals, anti-biotics, and anti-fungals – making me the healthiest person on the planet. haha!

(and yes, I did take a few phone interviews while in the early stages of pneumonia. Not my smartest decision but no regrets)

One of my sisters and my nephews came to visit from Texas on their spring break during a major blizzard here. I flew to see my other two sisters and my nieces in Colorado for a week over their spring break.

By the end of the month I was back home, feeling better, and back on my bike. I managed to crash into a tree while mountain biking, causing bruised rib muscles. I wouldn’t find this out until the pain in my ribs didn’t go away on one side (the side I crashed into the tree on) a few weeks later. Ended up back at urgent care after a particularly painful gravel ride and off the bike for a week to let my ribs heal.

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mountain biking my sister’s local trails

April

More biking. Day trip to Cooperstown with my husband (his current favorite brewery is there). Cleaned out the basement. I went to Vermont and rode the Muddy Onion gravel grinder with my Massachusetts friends. Attended my first Town Board meeting (local politics are what impact you the most)!

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back when my bartape was still white

May

More biking. More hiking. Second annual Girls Camping Weekend. I won’t bore you with the details but when the weather gets nice, it’s easy to have adventures every day. I also paid off my student loans after 17 years, which felt amazing.

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Girls + Camping + Mountain Biking = Happiness

June

Started with a four-day bike tour of central Pennsylvania (an annual tradition). Ended with a family trip “home” to Colorado. My husband repainted our laundry room (repayment for the countless times I’ve heard “I owe you one”). More interviews, no offers. I finally decide to change my endocrinologist to someone much more engaged with my health struggles.

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mountain biking in Colorado with a long-time friend

July

More biking. More JAM FUNdo. This year we did the full 68 mile FUNdo and it was beastly but so awesome. Really loving dirt and gravel roads more than road riding and almost as much as mountain biking, which has been a Thing this year for me.

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this year really was the Year of Dirt

August

August brought the end of my severance, end of my unemployment benefits, and the end of my sanity around not having a job yet despite batting .500 on applications-to-interviews. There’s only so much “you’re great – you’ll land somewhere soon!” one can take before starting to doubt. I keep telling myself – You ARE great. You WILL land a job soon. I play motivational videos on repeat until I feel better about the situation.

It also marked the beginning of a part-time contract role with my state bike coalition, which has been a tremendously personally rewarding experience that marries my professional skills with personal passion. I also spent some time helping a friend at his bike shop and began leading shop rides for my local shop.

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September

I went solo camping for the first time and it was awesome. Three days of doing basically what I wanted to do with no one to be responsible for but myself. I brought my mountain bike too and spent an afternoon exploring the larger park. I’m discovering that my jobless anxiety dies down when I’m not home and become obsessed with finding things to do to keep my brain occupied. Applying for lots of jobs in hopes to land something before the holidays – and raiding our retirement savings to pay living expenses. I also start in leading seasonal mountain bike rides for my local trail committee and exploring new state forests to mountain bike.

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from my solo camping trip – autumn is coming

October

Move one of my kids into their first apartment. Have my first major repair issue while mountain biking. Successfully executed the hardpack/gravel portion of my bike club’s annual fundraising ride, to great acclaim. That happens when you have a dirt route and it rains all morning – the muddier the riders come back, the happier they are. Interviews ramp up again, only to go to other candidates. It’s a cycle. Took one of my other kids on a tour of state university campuses. My Massachusetts friends came to my area and I showed them my favorite dirt roads by bike. Celebrated being married for 20 years.

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hey look – MORE DIRT ROADS!

November

Started with a long weekend in Vermont, reminding me that not everywhere is crazy expensive like the NYC metro area. Enjoyed the most amazing gingerbread pancakes and walking along Lake Champlain. Colorado friends came to visit and we spent a weekend in Philadelphia, one of my favorite cities. And as is the theme for this year – more riding bikes to stay sane.

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words to live by

December

The job search continues but postings wind down a bit due to the holidays. A few more interviews, but once again no offer. I race Ice Weasels again with my friend Karen, who is what a best bike friend should be: always up for an adventure! My middle kid is accepted to his first choice university and we order the senior yearbook with an ad in the back, “love mom and dad.” First snow means getting out the fat bike because there’s no bad weather, only bad gear choices.

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much like life, we don’t always succeed at clearing the obstacles in our path

Final Thoughts …

I look back over the year and am thankful for the Gift of Time I was given this year even though it has been fraught with uncertainty, anxiety, stress, and frustration. I’ve been home for my family more. I’ve seen both sets of my nieces twice and my nephews once – which isn’t enough considering they are all growing up ridiculously fast and I’m not local to be part of their lives more. I’ve volunteered many hours to causes I believe in. I helped build a trail in my local parks. I voted in my first local election. I’ve regained my sense of Self outside of work – I am not defined by what I do, but by who I am. it’s tremendously freeing.

And after 2.5 years of struggling with my thyroid meds, I’m finally feeling like a normal human again. We’re on my third med adjustment in as many months and getting blood drawn every 6 weeks is annoying – but the payoff is dialing in my meds so I can continue to lead a happy, healthy life without fatigue, brain fog, hair loss, or cold sensitivity.

I’m looking to 2018 to be a year of rebirth and growth. I’m looking to land a job in my field (check out my linkedin and let’s connect). I’m looking to become a certified mountain biking instructor to get more people (but especially women) comfortable on the trails. I’m looking forward to another Girls Camping Weekend, sending another kid to university, and most likely another Ride for Homes tour. I want to keep leading bike rides for my shop and my trail committee and stay involved in my community.

Until next year, ride safe my friends!

Real Talk

As I think back across this year, it’s been a stressful one. We sold our house (hooray!), moved to an apartment (eh!), found a new house (hooray!), moved again (two states away!), had to integrate quickly for end of the school year activities (eh!), and have been slowly unpacking and organizing/updating/painting the house. Whole weekends are devoted to Being A Real Adult and that’s never fun.

Oh, and there was that pesky thyroid cancer surgery and radioactive iodine over the summer too. I’m still working on getting my synthetic thyroid hormone balance. While I feel exceptionally thankful my cancer isn’t expected to reduce my life expectancy, I’m now working on finding a New Normal that includes a lot more down time than I’ve previously needed in my life.

No surprise, I’ve been struggling emotionally lately. Like on the verge of Stay In Bed All Day And Full-On Ugly-Cry While Listening to Sad Music and/or Watching Sad Movies. I blame a combination of work (mostly office politics, which isn’t my favorite thing to do), anxiety (impostor syndrome), and a general feeling that my life is very much Not In Balance.

Anyway, I’ve been looking forward to Thanksgiving break because it means a long weekend to relax AND Get Shit Done – but I was in a serious funk. Wednesday I finished up my holiday baking and in the evening my husband and I sat in our hot tub and talked. I know – First World Luxuries. But it didn’t help alleviate the sense of being completely overwhelmed, scattered, and not spending time on the things that matter most.

Thursday morning it was cloudy but in the upper-50s so I decided to head out for a road ride. I haven’t been on my road bike in a while and while it took some internal prodding to get out the door – but soon the pedals were spinning. For the first time ever, I decided to listen to music while I rode. I usually don’t because I like to be able to hear what’s going on around me – but I was on a paved rail-trail and used my Yurbuds, which allow the user to hear ambient sound while delivering high-quality audio. I really should invest in a high-quality single-earbud because riding with music was great.

At the end of my 32 mile ride, I felt a bit better but still anxious. It was nice to spend a few hours just zoned out, spinning.

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pastoral view from the trail

We had a lovely Thanksgiving dinner as a family, thanks for asking. We miss our friends all over the country and our family out West. But we are thankful to have each other, good jobs, a roof over our heads and food on the table every night.

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hello, where is my plate of delicious turkey dinner?

This morning I grabbed my mountain bike and headed over to the local park for a few hours. I am so thankful that I know about this park because it’s perfect for my level: lots of easy flowy trails but also some technical details.

I zipped around a large family enjoying a hike in the woods. I rode over a few of the smaller logs (and just walked over the larger ones). I rode over the bridge across the Parkway and continued on. I fell off a stone wall. I kept going.

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I was the only one on the trails. I stopped frequently to check the paper map I had downloaded of the trails. I stuck to loopy trails that connected easily. I powered up hills and bounced down rocky descents. I felt good.

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perfect day
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all to myself

I found a trail that ended up being a lot more technical than I expected – and I didn’t wreck. I felt like a million dollars.

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this is right before I took a trail that was full of boulders

I took a wrong turn; I doubled back until I found multiple trail blazes. I started experimenting with speed and not shockingly, momentum is your friend when you are mountain biking. I headed back to the gentler park and crushed every trail that I crashed on a few weeks back. I even took a few new trails and had to walk in a few places – but I felt amazing. I got home and took my dog on a walk.

This is exactly what I needed in my life right now. And I still have two more days to Get Shit Done: like laundry and cleaning the house and taking my car in for maintenance.

I need to figure out how to get more of this in my life on the regular.

Life if too short not to see you on the road (or the trails).

My Experience with RAI (I-131) Therapy

This post will probably be most beneficial to someone who’s recently been told they need radioactive iodine (RAI or I-131) therapy. It’s pretty dry but hopefully someone will take comfort that the process isn’t as scary as it feels.

 

The internet is riddled with horror stories (vomiting for days! disappearing taste!) and simple two-liners (“Isolation not that big of a deal! It goes quickly!”) – so it’s hard to get a sense of exactly what to expect. So I thought I’d chronicle my experience, which is probably pretty average, and hope it helps someone else who is frantically Googling what to expect and how long they have to remain isolated.

(There’s about 62,450 people diagnosed with thyroid cancer each year. Not everyone is prescribed RAI therapy and it seems like every doctor has their own method for how to approach the process as well as how long you need to remain isolated and to what degree. What I mention below is what my nuclear medicine department at the local hospital sent me home with – by all means, please follow your own doctor’s orders!)

The process itself is very straight-forward: you will receive 2 injections of Thyrogen (unless you have a reason to need to go off your thyroid hormone replacement meds for 2-4 weeks and deal with severe hypothyroidism) in the two days before receiving your RAI therapy dose. If you are a female, you will need a blood test on the first day of Thyrogen to confirm you are not pregnant. Thyrogen has its own set of potential side effects, the most common being nausea and headaches. I was fortunate enough to have a supportive work environment and was able to work from home on the two Thyrogen days. I have a 90min commute between work and home and didn’t want to have to deal with possibly trying to get home with nausea on an hour-long train ride. Fortunately I did not experience any significant side effects although I noted I was a bit on the tired side.

The day of RAI treatment I had to get another blood test to confirm my severe hypothyroid levels (this is due to the Thyrogen injections) right before heading to the nuclear medicine department at the hospital. My hospital is one that allows you to convalesce at home (i.e., it does not admit you overnight).

I had to sign a bunch of paperwork. The nurse took me back and gave me everything I would need post-therapy, including validating my parking (how nice). This included specific written instructions for isolation, a Personal Disposal Kit (i.e., a kitchen trash bag), and a card for my wallet that confirms my I-131 therapy and that I am not a radiation hazard to the public.

Another nurse came in to talk to me about isolation – the biggest being Time and Distance. The first 3 days are the biggest concern because the radiation is literally emanating from you, not just being eliminated. He answered all of my questions and then took me back to the doctor who would administer the treatment.

My doctor had a Geiger counter on the table next to us; the pill was in a lead-lined cylinder. He explained the therapy to me again as he put on hospital gloves and used a pair of thongs to remove the pill from the cylinder. He gave it to me with a cup of water. My dose was a grey pill about the size of any other average prescription capsule. The doctor advised me to not eat anything spicy or that would upset my stomach for the next few hours to allow the I-131 to absorb into my body. He had me walk to the door of the room and back to show the amount of distance I needed to keep between myself and others for the first several days – and then sent me on my way.

In the few days before doing all this, I recommend doing the following:

* securing a beach house or lake house or other accommodations that have a private kitchen and bathroom. Convalesce in style!

* If you are like me and don’t have any of those available to you, kick your SO out of the master bedroom with attached bathroom and make it your Isolation Suite. Wash and clean everything before undergoing therapy. Yes you’ll have to rewash and clean everything again – but no one likes to wallow in filth.

* Stock up on foods you like, ginger ale (with real ginger), saltines and lemon hard candies. These help you feel moderately better and you’ll actually want to eat them. You may get nauseated for the first 3 days or so – the ginger ale and saltines will help you not feel totally wrecked and you can get some extra sleep. The hard candies are to keep your saliva production up to minimize the sore/swollen salivary glands that may happen. I chose sugar snap peas for my snack and they were super delicious! I also asked for water ice, which was also delicious.

* Find a way to keep your pet at bay. Buy a baby gate if you have to. My dog couldn’t understand why I couldn’t let him kiss me or snuggle up on my lap or sleep with me at night. It was horribly sad.

* Have young kids? Send them to Grandma’s for the week. Have older kids? Get them to make you meals and keep the dog happy. My teens were the best at making me food and leaving it at my door. They kept the dog happy. And in return they got a week of unencumbered video game time because Mom Can’t Do Anything About It.

* Cover your electronics for the first 5 days or so. A plastic sandwich bag over your smartphone is fine. You can get a keyboard cover relatively inexpensively online. Staying in touch with people through the internet or texting is a great way to keep your mind off the fact that you can’t be around anyone.

* Keep the door to your room open and the blinds drawn back if possible. This allows you to feel like you are still incorporated in family life – just make sure everyone is aware of the safety limitations.

My dose was 150 millicurries. I was told I would need to enact radiation safety protocol for 10 days – but the most stringent portions were lifted within about 3-7 days. Keep in mind radioiodine will exit the body through fluids (urine, stool, perspiration, and saliva) – water dilutes the radiation.

For the first 3-5 days and nights:

* sleep completely separate from any other family member.

* have sole use of a bathroom – toilet, shower, sink. Don’t share towels.

* keep as great a distance as possible from others, minimum of 9′ (first 3 days) to 3′ (days 4-7). No hugs, kisses, snuggles, or sex.

* do not travel by plane or mass transit and do not take prolonged car trips.

* drink a minimum of 64oz of fluids each day to encourage unabsorbed radioiodine to leave your system as quickly as possible. Pee a lot.

* use a laxative or eat high-fiber foods to encourage your digestive tract to keep things moving along and minimize any GI issues.

* Use regular plates and utensils. Wash them separately in the dishwasher (2 cycles) to reduce the chance of contaminating the rest of your family for the first 3-5 days.

For the full 10 days and nights:

* Flush the toilet 2 or 3 times after use. If you’re a dude, you have to sit to pee to avoid splashback. If you do splash, wet a tissue to clean it up and then flush the tissue.

* Wash your hands with plenty of soap and water.

* Rinse the sink, shower, and tub with plenty of water to reduce the chance of others becoming contaminated that is being excreted through your bodily fluids.

* Do not exercise for the first 7 days. Radioiodine is excreted in your sweat, which means lots of stuff would be contaminated.

* Do not have any lab tests done unless it’s an emergency through Day 7, in which case have someone call the Radiation Safety Officer at the hospital. Your blood may contain radioactive material!

* Avoid prolonged contact with pregnant women, babies and children. Their thyroids are more susceptible than adults.

* Put all of your trash into the Personal Disposal Kit. You will need to hold onto this bag in your garage until the safe disposal date, which is 75 days after your treatment dose. Write that date on the bag so you don’t accidentally toss it too soon and contaminate the garbage trucks and landfill. Eat an apple? Core goes in the PDK bag.

* wash your towels, sheets, and clothing separately and run the washer on a rinse cycle twice after the final load to minimize any potential contamination.

 

On Day 10 you will most likely get a whole body scan to see where the radioiodine was absorbed. This is a baseline to see where the potential stray thyroid cells are located. The idea is that over time the radioiodine will destroy these cells and reduce the chance of cancer recurring. It also helps to see if there is any metastatic cancer.  This is basically the beginning of a lifelong monitoring of the cancer to ensure if it comes back we can act quickly. The downside is the slight increase in secondary cancers from this treatment. Something we always have to be mindful of and enjoy the time we have and treat anything that comes up as it does.

 

I’m only on Day 7 right now and looking forward to finishing out my isolation time very soon. I miss being with my family and yelling that I love them from my room as they get ready to go to bed or leave for work is kinda sad. I ate my meals in my room for the first 5 days, which is also weird and sad. But necessary! I’d rather be alone and sad for a week than put any of my children or husband or pets at risk.

I tentatively booked a bike ride for this weekend, which I am so looking forward to. Provided the weather cooperates – see you on the road!

Edit to add: My experience included mild nausea and sleepiness for the first 3-4 days. I slept around 14 hours a day! My salivary glands at the back of my jaw became tender on Day 2 so I used hard candy to keep saliva production going and gentle massage of the area. My taste has altered slightly, as things don’t taste as fully flavorful right now. My understanding is this is temporary for the next several weeks and should return. Around Day 5 I started to feel more normal and now at Day 7 I feel mostly like myself again.