It’s hard to believe it’s been a minute since my last post. Not much has happened – the northeast has had a pretty rainy spring and summer so far, so I’ve been getting out and exploring as the weather allows.
April
April brought a family vacation in Vermont, and my adventure friend moved away. We also adopted a mother-daughter bonded pair of rat terrier-dachshund-chihuahuas after having to make a humane decision for our geriatric beagle, Beau. I love them more than is reasonable.
May
May was more fun rides with friends around the northeast.
June
June saw the rainiest weekend we’ve ever had for our annual Girls + Matt MTB Weekend at Kingdom Trails. That was frustrating because it’s a weekend I look forward to for most of the year to date, and to be limited in time out on the trails wasn’t optimal.
And then it feels like the world came off the rails. Specifically on June 28.
The last week of June
Pete and I had booked a trip back home to see my family at the end of June. As you may remember, my mom’s breast cancer returned, and after aborting a trip to see her in May, it was time to go spend time with her. But we got to the airport on Tuesday, June 27, only to find out the flight had been canceled literally as we were about to enter the security line. Thank goodness we were taking only carry-ons.
With many flights being canceled out of the NYC area, we couldn’t rebook the flight until Saturday, July 1. I grabbed the first direct flight available and decided to not take my previous vacation time since I’d be flying back on July 4 anyway. Pete decided to stay home with the dogs because it was a short trip.
Wednesday, June 28, my mom texted us that she was headed to the hospital with shortness of breath. And then, she checked herself out (AMA) because she didn’t want to stay in the hospital overnight.
It felt urgent to get home to see her.
I spent Thursday, June 29, refreshing Google Flights to find a flight home sooner. Whenever something came up, the ticket was no longer available when I reached the payment screen. Finally, I could land a flight for Friday, June 30, in the morning for an obscene amount of money (and connecting through Atlanta).
I notified my employer that I needed to be with family without any pushback. I love who I work for – they really understand family first. The Friday flight turned into an all-day odyssey, but my sisters picked me up at the airport.
July
Seeing Mom for the first time, in person, up close, since 2019 was jarring. She is a fraction of the size she used to be, uses supplemental oxygen, needs a wheelchair, and can barely speak above a whisper due to paralyzed vocal cords. But after talking with her (she uses a whiteboard for longer conversations), her Self is still there.
Spending time with my family as the sole focus of my trip was fantastically rewarding. We helped Mom and Dad as we could and talked a lot. I helped take Mom to one of her doctor appointments and then spent a few hours with her, making phone calls to set up other appointments, talking, and doing whatever she needed help around the house. She gets tired easily, so I returned to my sister’s for the rest of the day. She seemed stable and was getting her new high-flow oxygen system the next day.
My sister and I stayed up very late on July 4 talking. Like, unusually late for both of us. Around midnight I opted to head to where I was sleeping and get some sleep. As I was about to drift off, I heard my phone vibrate. I thought about not checking it, because it probably was just my email syncing or something.
It was my mom. Asking me to come to her house quickly. Because she was having oxygen issues.
I went upstairs to find my sister still on the couch (miraculously) and asked if she could drive me over. When we arrived, Dad was talking with the oxygen supplier technician about the issues they had all day.
What struck me was my mom. This tiny person, hunched over in her wheelchair, a jacket over her nightgown. My sister and I were able to move her to a quieter part of the house and she wrote like crazy to fill us in on what was going on. We affirmed this must feel very frustrating, and she mouthed YES! and then slumped over.
I reached over to hug her and she clung to me like a liferaft. The role reversal – the eldest child caring for the elderly parent – was palpable. Given I don’t live nearby, I was surprised but happy to be able to provide genuine comfort in a time of crisis. She asked me to help her. Not my sisters. Me. That counts for something.
My sister called the palliative care nurse while I got my mom to her bed and helped ensure her oxygen flow was correct so she could sleep. We talked to Dad about everything and agreed to regroup the next day with a palliative support company representative to learn more about what hospice could do to support Mom through this phase of her life. We were able to confirm she would have 24/7 support and Dad would get some caregiver relief by shifting to hospice. Mom was all about it because they promised it was about her and what she wanted.
I flew home on Thursday, July 6, uneventfully. (I did select First Class because I found a “reasonably” priced ticket and after everything in the last week, I wanted to not deal with travel stress). My friends and I canceled our weekend bikepacking plans (not just because of this – it seems a lot of things came up over the July 4 weekend).
So all this to say – I have zero regrets dropping everything to be with family. But I am experiencing FOMO coming back to see my friends all participating in life as usual. Which is totally normal and I’ll get through it. Mom was able to get a procedure today that has already improved her breathing.
I get that I’m not the only person in the world who has lost or is losing their parent or loved one. But this one is mine and it’s going to be a minute until I’m back to “normal,” whatever that is.
Thanks for reading.
wife. mother. awesome girl. 