Coffee, Pie, and Body Image

the struggle is real

“Bring enough supplies for a non-stop ride.”

OK, roadside rest stop it is!

“If you really want to make this a roadside rest stop, we could bring our foldable chairs, coffee, and apple pie.”

this sounds amazing – let’s do it!!

text exchange with my ride partner

I love doing wacky things. The fall riding season is upon us, with cooler days and vibrant displays of color bursting forth along quiet dirt roads. I was very excited when my friend suggested we bring chairs and have a proper break to enjoy some coffee and pie mid-ride.

A few weeks removed from my Green Mountain Gravel Growler trip, I’m still feeling strong with some twinges in one of my knees. So I wore a compression brace for the hilly route and took it easy on the hills to minimize stress through my knees.

We found a gravel pull-out and set up our coffee and pie relaxation station. The pull-out is mid-way up a climb on a forest-lined dirt road … protected from the wind but with the soothing views of nature. Not long after we set up, a friend came riding down the road. He stopped to talk to us, snapped a photo of us, and then continued on. Apparently there was a gravel event doing a similar route in the opposite direction so soon we were seeing all kinds of riders fly by while we enjoyed our coffee and pie. Lots of quizzical looks and smiles as they figured out what we were doing.

Coffee & Pie Stop in the middle of nowhere

We finished the ride a few hours later, feeling really happy with how the ride played out.

I got home and started uploading photos to various social media sites to share the joy of doing something unexpected on a routine ride. That’s when I noticed how unflattering the Coffee and Pie stop photos looked.

The photo on the left is how I feel – fit, strong, sturdy, capable of amazing things.

The photo on the right reminds me that I’ve put on weight since I started taking anti-anxiety medication. After losing nearly 30 pounds in 2 years, watching 15 pounds appear within 6 months of starting medication that helps reduce the anxious electricity that courses through my body 24/7 is … hard.

It doesn’t help that I’ve fallen off the calorie tracking wagon and given myself a bit of grace lately when it comes to food. Especially since tracking wasn’t helping to lose weight anymore, just barely maintain the added pounds. The mental payoff is definitely greater than the physical impacts. I’ve tried tapering off the meds and do not enjoy the pervasive electric buzz of anxiety that creeps back into my life. I appreciate feeling like myself, but with a clearer grasp of reality that isn’t clouded by excessive anxious energy.

My annual physical proves my activities pay off – all my bloodwork comes back great. My BMI is 27, which is overweight, but my doctor feels that is offset by my other positive factors. My home scale roughly calculates fat to muscle (29% fat and 28% muscle) – which is within the acceptable range of body fat percentage for a woman in her mid-forties.

We have only one life – I don’t want to create more stress than necessary. But I would like to see how I feel about myself reflected in photographs.

We’re heading into the off season, where rides will be shorter; less intense. Maybe this is the time to recommit myself to maintaining a healthy nutrition plan with a bit more exercise during the week. Finding that balance of family, work, personal pursuits, and healthy body image.

Thanks for reading!